the line.

As I stood in the line of infinite length, moving at an infinitesimally slow rate towards the least repulsive food item in the cafeteria, she walked past me.

She wore sunglasses perched on her head, and wore a hairstyle that the glasses loved to be perched up on. I wondered if the hairstyle would look just as beautiful without those glasses, or if those glasses would look just as happy without that hairstyle. As she moved to serve herself from the salad counter.


I thought I should say: "Don't take those mushrooms! They taste horrible."

"Really?", I thought she would have responded.

I thought I should say: "Is this the first time you're eating in this cafeteria?"

"It is...", I thought she would have responded.

"Well then, all the best!"

And she'd have smiled. And frozen the space and time around us. For the moment.


"If you think I'm exaggerating, I'm gonna ask you after a month. And I assure you, you'll have nothing great to tell me."

"Is it that bad?"

"Well...never mind. Would you care to join me?", I'd have said as I realized that I did have my lunch in my hands. For a second I wondered if it was me who indicated to the chef my choice of pasta, marinara sauce and selection of vegetables. For a second, I wondered. Then the thought, being the non-entity it was in the moment, dwindled in the background and vanished. Like a feeble memory of a dream just after waking up.


"Sure...outside?", she'd have said.

"Let's sit inside...it feels right to be in the cave", would've been my pathetic attempt at finding a reason for my preference, when there really was none.

"Oh so you think in those terms..." she'd have said.

"Well yes, we can civilize as much as we want, but as far as basic instincts are concerned, we're still the hunter-gatherer types. I mean, I'm the hunter type, and you're the gatherer type."

And she'd have smiled again. That smile again.


"So...which team do you gather in...oh I mean, which team do you work in?". I'd have said. And fumbled with my words.

And made her laugh. As I wondered, if it was deja vu or was time and space frozen again. For the moment.


"Hmm...basic instincts, you said. What other basic instincts do you think about?", she'd have said.

"Hmm...a lot. We'd have to meet some other time for me to tell you all about them", I'd have played along.

"Hmm...why not now?"

"Hmm...not exactly the best time to talk about them".

"What has time got to do with it?"


"I don't know...but you didn't answer me...which team do you work in?"

And she'd have told me. And talked. And talked.

And I'd have listened. And looked at her. And smiled with an expression of intelligent understanding of what she was saying. When all that I was really understanding was how the locks of her hair draped down the sides of her forehead and kissed her cheeks. And my strange willingness to give up my life as a human to be awarded an instant transformation that moment into those locks.

"...but you haven't eaten your food!", she'd have shook me back out from the frozen time and space.

"Oh well, I'm not really much hungry. And the food, as I told you, is not too delicious anyway.", I'd have said.

And left the table with her. And walked with her. And walked slowly with her.


The way I slowly walked now in the line. As she slowly walked by. As she walked by me.

the look.

she answered the phone. i had called the pizza place to order a pickup.
i had sensed her roughness on the phone itself. could only have been her.
when i reached the restaurant, i was confirmed. not that i was surprised.
i thought it must be her on the phone. not that i remembered her face, but i knew it was her.
and there she was. with her expertly sculpted beautiful face. the face wearing the look that was.

while the other waiter served me and i paid, i gave her the best of my....ignorance.
i thought as i headed out, what, if at all, i'd say to her should she come out from behind the counter.
"i have a question", i'd say.
"i don't have an answer", she'd say.
"you most certainly do", i'd say.
and before she'd have any chance to respond: "what bothers you?", i'd say.
"nothing", she'd say.
"that look on your face", i'd say.
"what about it?", she'd say.
"what is it that might be on a woman's mind when she wears that look you wear?", i'd say.
"i don't know, why do you ask?", she'd say.
"because i had a friend and she puzzled me with a similar kind of look", i'd lie.
"i don't know", she'd say. like i was expecting her to say anything at all.

"does it mean that i'm pissed off bad, stay off me?"
"does it mean i'm not in the mood?"
"does it mean something more specific, like, i really love guys who order a personal size pizza with two toppings?"
and she'd laugh.
"or does it mean something even more specific, like, the guys who order a personal size pizza with two toppings, can't be served by the hottest waiters in the restaurant?"
and she'd laugh again.
and look at me with that look of hers.

the look that she gave me now. as i finished my pizza and walked over in front of the counter across from her.
the look that she gave me now. as i walked out the door and left.
the look that she gave me now. before i could ask any of those things that were.